After writing the previous post I was reminded of a constant struggle of my own. It has to do with the financial curriculum I am teaching in the SaLT program. As I began teaching these lessons (which I must admit -again- feels far too much like school...another bit of a struggle) I became far too focused on the intricacies, or differences rather, between the group of students and myself. The "FutureProfits" curriculum is generally geared toward a low-income community, which is many of the SaLT students' realities. The curriculum does an excellent job of accounting for feelings or opinions of the targeted community, but I did not.
During a Friday meeting when our group meets with our site coordinator, Ben, to share our "Pows/Wows," and focus on a discernment activity it was my turn to talk and I was focused on my recent ascension to "Life Skills teacher." I began this role as November rolled around and as I planned the lesson each week I noticed myself being hyper-sensitive to my privileged upbringing in comparison to my students. I wondered if it was insensitive to use the examples of a lower class students likelihood to fail in the vicious cycle of poor education --> no college --> minimum wage job, etc. vs. an upper class students extent of opportunities. Next it was, is it acceptable to assume drug dealers hold a powerful role in the community and police are scorned? Each week I would frantically ask my co-worker what she thought appropriate in hopes that I wouldn't appear in front of the students preaching about something I knew little about. I was so concerned I would lose any credibility or offend someone that I ended up acting like we were from two different worlds.
So, there I was...exasperated about these feelings and sharing a long-winded version of my woes to my friends. Convinced that this was so hard for me, but truly unaware of my behavior. I realized that these students don't want to be, nor should they be, treated any differently because they may be from low-income households. But that is exactly what I was doing. They are a part of this program determined to break the cycle of poverty, and there I was condemning them to a life of minimum wage jobs by keeping the discussion "safe." My hyper-sensitivity was increasing the distance between myself and these teens. I realized I was a total hypocrite because I was unintentionally treating these students as if I was "better" then them. I am ashamed to admit this, but I intend to learn from this situation. I have since tried to use this curriculum to spark the discussion it was intended for, to get students thinking about the message of money in their community, what it means to save, and what barriers may be holding them back. We have had many very honest discussions about the aspirations, goals, and fears of the students in the past few months. However, I must check myself daily to be sure I remember how much I have to learn from this experience, and these students. Most importantly, my background in no way makes me better than anyone else.
This was certainly not presented in the most eloquent of ways, and I apologize. I am still thinking my way through this one, but felt compelled to share.
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